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My friend, Robyn

By on Thursday, May 17th, 2012 | 1 Comment

This interview is a stop on the Virtual Book Tour for The Gift of Giving Life.

I’m happy to introduce you to my dear friend and collaborator, Robyn Allgood. Robyn is magnificent. Though we have now written a book together, I’ve never actually met her in person (Skype doesn’t count). Next month I’ll have the privilege of, finally, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her with all the love I have in my heart for her (when we meet at the LDS Holistic Living Conference). Having been influenced by Robyn’s beautiful soul has inspired me in so many ways.

The following is an interview that will, hopefully, give you a small taste of why I love Robyn Allgood so much.

Tell me about your background?

I am a mother to five children, a doula, childbirth educator, and ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) Chapter Leader. I am not a domestic goddess, but I can sew somewhat straight lines if called upon while not under duress. I consider myself a book nerd of sorts. I love natural living, but I have been known to make mac & cheese from the box for lunch and slap on a disposable diaper because I don’t feel like folding the cloth ones. I am married to a tall, dark version of McGyver. At least I call him McGyver because he can fix anything and I love him to pieces for it.

Read the rest of this entry »


Four centimeters

By on Tuesday, May 15th, 2012 | 5 Comments

For months I had been writing things like this in my journal…

“Right now I just feel so drained. I feel like I give and give and give until there’s nothing left.”

“I am exhausted. I want to sleep for two weeks. I so need a break.”

“I am so run down, so overwhelmed, so out of reserves. But what can I do except just keep swimming?”

“I need a break. Big time. So much.”

Little red flags were waving in front of my face for quite some time. And then Mama Birth posted this:

I think that selflessness and sacrifice are beautiful things- and I think they can purify us and teach us. But I also know now that a woman needs balance. . . . Babies need a mother who takes care of herself and the other people she loves and who herself is nurtured in her relationships.

And it was another little red flag, another messenger saying, “Girl, you need help. You need a break. If you don’t take care of you, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.” (Thank you, Sarah). But, unfortunately, those little red flags just kept on waving, and I just kept on running myself into the ground. I could feel myself sliding into depression, and it scared me. I have been in that dark place before, and I did not want to visit it again. Looking back, I can say that the damage was already done. A body chronically depleted of sleep and sapped of vital nutrients through chronic stress is going to have a very difficult time functioning, let alone functioning cheerfully. Read the rest of this entry »


Beautiful crucible

By on Thursday, May 10th, 2012 | 5 Comments

I felt like I wanted to die.

In my head, at this moment, two weeks ago, a part of me was wishing for death.

Someone very dear to me has lived with deep anxiety for much of the past decade. He has also spent much of the past several years abusing drugs and living in a variety of rehab programs. But as I felt my whole body/mind/spirit breaking into unfamiliar pieces under anxiety’s crushing blow, I suddenly got it… why he has turned to drugs, why he has contemplated (and perhaps attempted) suicide, why some days are a massive feat of endurance for him. I understood, to some small degree, just how horrifyingly debilitating anxiety can be. Anxiety is real and raw and ravaging. And I will never again jokingly use the phrase “nervous breakdown” because now I’ve experienced a taste of what it actually feels like. And it’s no joke.

But. But here is what I also know now.

There is no darkness too deep, no fear too profound, no soul too shattered for love to reach.

Read the rest of this entry »

Finished

By on Thursday, May 3rd, 2012 | 2 Comments

I interrupt my regularly scheduled calling-for-help (ha!) to bring you this announcement…

After nearly three years of hard work, our book is finally in print! Read the rest of this entry »

Call for help (again)

By on Sunday, April 29th, 2012 | 16 Comments

If you follow my Birth Faith facebook page, then you may already be aware that on Tuesday night I plummeted into a horrifying, debilitating state of anxiety. It has waxed and waned over the course of the week, but I can’t seem to shake it. And my fear of it never going away (or coming back again) is only fueling the anxiety further.

I have been doing everything I can, within my ability, to beat this. Extra sleep, exercise, sunshine, quality nutrients, chocolate, spending time in my garden, talking it out, listening to uplifting music, crying, massages, etc. etc. But I still can’t seem to pull out of the nose dive I’m in.

My husband will be here with me all weekend, and he has Monday off from work, thank goodness. I don’t know how I’m going to get through another day (let alone another week) like this.

In my most fearful moments I find myself thinking that I need to be committed somewhere, that I will be in a drugged-up daze and incapable of caring for my family for the rest of my life. In my more hopeful moments, I feel that things will get better and I will be back to normal soon.

I am asking that you exercise all of the faith you can muster that my hopes of recovery will be brought to pass, that my fears will subside, that I will be able to breathe. I have been having trouble breathing all week.

I know I asked for advice and tips in my last post, but this time I’m asking for pure encouragement. Pretend I’m in labor, and I’m in transition, and you are my doulas. I need pure fuel, pure love, pure encouragement, pure hope. No advice this time. Just faith and hope and a vision of a happier and better future just around the corner.

Please, please help me. I can’t get through this alone. I need all the help I can get.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this week, it is that LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe. Loving words and loving touch are the only things keeping me hanging on.

Thank you, thank you for your love.

Call for help

By on Wednesday, April 25th, 2012 | 76 Comments

Alright, friends… I’m going to get personal here.

I’m struggling. For the past six months, off and on, I’ve been battling with some physical and emotional trials, riding a crazy-making roller coaster. During some periods, I’ve been in what I would label as depression. I have good days, and I have bad days. On the good days I feel full of hope that things will get better. On the bad days I feel full of despair that I’ll ever feel totally myself again. Over the past week I have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other multiple times. Yesterday I was in despair. Today I was mostly OK.

I debated whether or not to disclose all of this to you. In this moment I decided that you’d want to know, you’d want to help, you’d want to lift me up in whatever way you could. Read the rest of this entry »

Bearing Burdens

By on Friday, April 13th, 2012 | 1 Comment

I was in charge of The Gift of Giving Life blog this week. I had been pondering what I should write for my Friday post for a couple of weeks. I had one topic in mind, but as the time came closer for my blogging turn, it felt like there was something else I needed to write. Even as I sat down to write the post, what came out of me wasn’t what I was expecting. Here’s an excerpt…

When I start feeling sorry for myself or overwhelmed by all the day-to-day problems and concerns in my life as a wife and mother, it often helps me to think about my great-grandmother, Cassie.

Cassie was born in 1890 in a two-room log cabin in Mapleton, UT, “one mile west of one of the most beautiful mts. in the world,” as she described it. Cassie wrote, “Well you know that the years from 1907 to 1918 were the happiest and grandest years of this mortal life to me.” 1907 was the year she met and married her sweetheart, Edmund, and the autumn of 1918 was the start of several years I can’t even fathom enduring.

In October of 1918, Cassie was approximately eight months pregnant with my grandfather. At this time, her mother-in-law (Grandma Roundy) came by train to visit, but she was unknowingly exposed to influenza en route. Within three days, Cassie’s husband Edmund, their four children, Grandma Roundy, a sister-in-law and family, and Cassie’s sister Ella and her husband had all come down with influenza.

These are Cassie’s words about the days that followed:

Memory you can never forget the agonizing hours I spent in those days and the following weeks and months. We had 3 cows, 4 calves, 14 sheep, and 6 head of horses. They must be fed, watered, and the cows milked twice a day. How my back would ache when all was done for the night. It was almost beyond my strength to endure. Edmund raised up in bed and said the most beautiful prayer I ever heard for me. He asked the Lord to bless me and make my back able to bear the burdens that were placed upon me and many more beautiful things.

All of this while eight months pregnant.

Within three days, Cassie’s beloved Edmund passed away. Six weeks later, she gave birth to my grandfather, Edmund.  (Read the rest of Cassie’s inspiring story HERE.)

Sister’s keeper

By on Monday, April 2nd, 2012 | 4 Comments

My husband was accepted into graduate school a few months before we had our first baby. Not long after starting classes, his cohort—fellow classmates starting the program with him—got together with their families for a get-to-know-you barbecue. I was in my last month of pregnancy and nervous about all the unknowns ahead of me, but God knew what I needed because it was at that barbecue that I met Tricia.

I remember her warm, friendly smile reaching out to me. She had crossed the bridge of new motherhood a few months before, and I watched with curiosity as she interacted with her infant son, imagining what my future would hold. We introduced ourselves and spent much of the evening talking about pregnancy, birth, and the various challenges and blessings of motherhood. It was wonderful to know that I had a fellow sister going through the very same experiences as me—being supportive as her husband started the long road of graduate school and navigating the trials and joys of new motherhood. Read the rest of this entry »

Three is a magic number

By on Sunday, April 1st, 2012 | 2 Comments

Today my third child turns three. (Remembering his birth gives me warm fuzzies every time. Happy sigh.)

If I could freeze my kids (temporarily) at certain ages, I would choose the 3′s.

Three months. I adore 3-month-old babies. They are so happy, so smiley, so cuddly, so easy to “wear,” so squishy, so absolutely marvelous.

Read the rest of this entry »

Birthy mind

By on Monday, March 26th, 2012 | 5 Comments

So I have these pillows on my couch. I bought them about five years ago ’cause I liked the colors and they looked like they’d fit well in my “international” family room. Some time in the last year, however, I was staring at one of the pillows (probably while breastfeeding), and it hit me. Maybe you’ll see what hit me, if I show you a pic…

When my friends were in town a couple of weeks ago and the subject of my pillows came up, one friend said something about my “dirty mind.” Cue my gasp of mock horror. I quickly replied, “There is nothing dirty about this,” gesturing to my pillow. Read the rest of this entry »

Enduring a mile (or a centimeter)

By on Monday, March 26th, 2012 | 2 Comments

My husband ran the Boston Marathon back in April of 2008, and I was so inspired by it that I (very briefly… ha!) decided I want to run it as well. So a week or two later, my husband and I decided to see how fast I could run a mile. We ran a warm-up mile at a medium-effort pace, and then I threw myself like crazy into the second mile. It was misery. It was horrid. It was an intense mental tug-of-war between “I can do this! Keep going!” and “What was I thinking?! I have to stop!” But somehow I kept going.

After finishing that run, I thought a lot about the experience. I speculated that it was probably like a mini-marathon—a condensed version of the marathon experience. And I also recognized that the same things that helped me to navigate the journey of childbirth also helped me to get through that mile (and would probably help me get through a marathon as well, if I ever actually get around to running one). Here’s a play-by-play: Read the rest of this entry »

Angel whispers

By on Saturday, March 17th, 2012 | 1 Comment

My mother-in-law was born in New Zealand, the daughter of a transplanted cockney naval sailor, the son of a London midwife named Ann.

When I learned a few days ago that my children’s great-great-grandmother was a midwife, I was giddy. I’ve long harbored a wish that I would find a midwife in my own ancestral line. This isn’t quite the same, but it’s the closest I’ve come (besides having a registered nurse grandmother who attended births). And it makes me feel more than compensated for the fact that my children also have the blood of a turn of the century rapist running through their veins. (That’s another story.) A midwife’s blood so totally overpowers that. So much. Yay. Read the rest of this entry »

Building better breast milk

By on Friday, March 16th, 2012 | 2 Comments

Giving your babies breast milk is one of the greatest gifts you can give them, regardless of your nutritional status. But over my 8+ years as a momma studying pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding, I’ve learned of several ways we can take that wonderful gift of breast milk and make it even more beneficial to our babies. We’ve probably all heard that consuming lots of omega-3 fats (through fish and plant sources) will benefit our babies’ brains and our own emotional health, but there are other ways to improve the quality of the milk we produce for our babies. Here are just a few of them…

1. Chlorella

Not long after my fourth baby’s birth, my mom flew into town with all sorts of supplements and essential oils. One of the supplements she wanted me to take was chlorella. I wasn’t sure whether it was safe to take while breastfeeding, so I started doing a little internet digging to find out. That’s when I found a Japanese study about the effects of maternal chlorella supplementation on breast milk. Read the rest of this entry »

Child aversion

By on Tuesday, March 13th, 2012 | 8 Comments

I had a lovely weekend. Four friends (some of whom I’ve known for twenty years) flew in from various parts of the country to visit, and though we haven’t spoken much in the past decade+ of geographical separation, it felt just like “home” when we got back together again. We laughed, we played, we hiked, we ate, we sang, we talked. Plus they bought me a lemon tree for my backyard! Happy, happy, happy…

Despite the happy-ful-ness of the weekend, I can’t stop thinking about one very sad little incident. After several days of not-enough-nap, my almost-three-year-old toddler definitely wasn’t acting himself. I guess I should have known I was headed for disaster as we drove off  in that sleep-deprived state to see the Desert Botanical Garden with my visiting friends. To sweeten the deal, no food is allowed in the gardens, so I was not only heading for disaster, but I was eliminating one of the most effective items in my bag of tantrum tricks: snacks! But off we went anyway. Read the rest of this entry »

Prenatal photo tour

By on Saturday, March 3rd, 2012 | 3 Comments

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago.  We were at a baby shower, and somehow we got on the subject of belly buttons.  I mentioned that my son had a kind of funky belly button (’cause he sort of did at the time), and this friend said something like, “Could that be because of the home birth?”  I was very perplexed and said, “What do you mean?”  She asked, “What do they do with the umbilical cord?”  Then I explained that they use the same umbilical cord clamps hospitals use, and cut the cord with sterile scissors, just like they do in the hospital.

As much as I was stunned by this conversation, I have to cut my friend some slack.  Home birth really is so foreign to most people.  So there are a lot of misconceptions out there about what it’s like and about midwives also.  Toward the end of my last pregnancy, I decided I’d bring my camera along and document the visit, partly for memory’s sake and partly so I could do a little bit of demystifying about midwives and home birth.

I realize that prenatal appointments are going to vary considerably depending upon who your midwife is. Some midwives come to your home for check-ups. Some have their offices in their own homes. Some have their own offices, like my midwives. I don’t presume to believe that this is the way all midwives practice. But I still thought it might be helpful to show what a typical visit is like with a home birth midwife like mine (Mary at Beyond Conception Midwifery).

So, here’s a photo tour of a February 2011 prenatal appointment with my midwives… Read the rest of this entry »

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