Since coming home, I have felt considerably worse. I feel like I’m going backward. People say it’s to be expected with the stressful transition, heat, and trying to get my kids ready for school. But I’ve really regressed. The anxiety is worse, the depression is deep. I really don’t know how much more I can take. I feel like I’ve gone so far backward. Everyone keeps telling me I will get through this, that things will get better, and they seem so confident about it. But I feel so done. I feel so exhausted. I feel like it will never end.
I want to be the mother my children need. I want to be myself. I hardly remember what it was like to be myself.
I am desperate.
The minutes and hours drag by so slowly.
I want to be done. More than anything in the world, I want my self back.