Buscando la luz

January 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I’ve been using the pseudonym “Buscando la luz” for the past several years in an effort to maintain a bit of privacy as a blogger. Now that our book, The Gift of Giving Life, is almost ready to be released, that privacy is now a thing of the past. It’s pretty easy now for anyone to find my full name. I’m Lani Axman. (Lani rhymes with Bonnie, in case you were wondering.) Even so, I plan to continue blogging here as “Buscando la luz” or “Busca” for short. The rest of this post is a cut and paste from my “About” page in which I explain how and why I chose to call myself “Buscando la luz.” I have plans to update my “About” page soon, but I wanted to preserve  this story as a post.

In December of 2007, I turned to Blogger as an outlet for my passionate drive to share what I learned and loved about birth.When I started that blog, I was coming out of a difficult phase of my life.  I had spent the previous year or so full of anger and frustration about the world.  Following my second daughter’s birth, I became ill repeatedly, culminating in kidney stones.  Those illnesses weren’t surprising considering all the negativity and darkness I felt weighed-down by. Then we moved out of the basement where we lived to cute old house with lots of sunlight.

It was incredibly refreshing moving to that sunny little house.  We had literally let the light back into our lives, but I still needed to let the light back into my heart.

Then one day I found and checked out a copy of Dan Zanes’ album, Night Time!, from our public library.  The pure joy and beauty of that music changed me.  In his version of “What a Wonderful World,” the end of the song has some lyrics not found in the original—a lullabye interspersed with Spanish phrases:

Sleep mi bebe, we are all here
Buscando la luz in the city
So that you may hear the laughter
El cantar y el gozar through the night
Arruru mi nene, arruru mi nena
Y que duermas con los angeles
Arruru mi nene, arruru mi nena
Y que duermas con los angeles

I loved how the song made me feel.  I especially loved the Spanish phrase: “Buscando la luz en este mundo.” It basically means, “Seeking the light in this world.” The song and that phrase was exactly the mantra I needed at that time in my life.  Seeking the light in this world. As I bathed in the warm light in our new home, I also began filling my soul with light and positivity.  When I decided to take on a blogging psuedonym, I knew exactly what I needed to call myself:  “Buscando la luz.”  And that’s what I try to do. No matter how discouraged I become by the problems with maternity care in the U.S. (and other countries), no matter how many horror stories I am bombarded with,  I’m not going to stop seeking out truth and light and sharing what I discover.  I am and will forever be “seeking the light.”

So you can call me Buscando la luz, or “Busca,” for short.  Or you can call me by the Hawaiian name my mom gave me over thirty years ago.  Coincidentally, this “light-seeker” now resides in the Valley of the Sun. Fitting, I think. :-)