For months I had been writing things like this in my journal…
“Right now I just feel so drained. I feel like I give and give and give until there’s nothing left.”
“I am exhausted. I want to sleep for two weeks. I so need a break.”
“I am so run down, so overwhelmed, so out of reserves. But what can I do except just keep swimming?”
“I need a break. Big time. So much.”
Little red flags were waving in front of my face for quite some time. And then Mama Birth posted this:
I think that selflessness and sacrifice are beautiful things- and I think they can purify us and teach us. But I also know now that a woman needs balance. . . . Babies need a mother who takes care of herself and the other people she loves and who herself is nurtured in her relationships.
And it was another little red flag, another messenger saying, “Girl, you need help. You need a break. If you don’t take care of you, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else.” (Thank you, Sarah). But, unfortunately, those little red flags just kept on waving, and I just kept on running myself into the ground. I could feel myself sliding into depression, and it scared me. I have been in that dark place before, and I did not want to visit it again. Looking back, I can say that the damage was already done. A body chronically depleted of sleep and sapped of vital nutrients through chronic stress is going to have a very difficult time functioning, let alone functioning cheerfully.