Fiery Furnace

July 30, 2012 at 4:33 am

I haven’t been able to bring myself to blog here (or anywhere) for awhile. The things I love… writing, researching, thinking about birth, taking photographs, cooking, gardening… they’ve all fallen by the wayside. I’m in survival mode, and it’s taking everything I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. This trial has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever been through. Every trial probably feels that way when you’re in the middle (or even the end) of it, I suppose.  Even so, this one feels especially hard and long. I thought it was over when I wrote this post, but alas I was wrong.

For someone who has spent the last decade of my life passionate about birth and motherhood and babies, it seems so strange that… at present… I have to confess… seeing pregnant women makes me feel anxious, seeing babies makes me feel anxious, thinking about ever being pregnant again or having another baby makes me feel horrified. How awful is that? I just helped write a whole book called The Gift of Giving Life for crying out loud! How did I get to this place? I hope with all my heart that I will be able to once again see the beauty and joy of giving life someday soon.

Doing your “hamwork,” part 1

July 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Today I am pleased to share a guest post by Kristin B. Hodson, CSW, LCS and Alisha Worthington, BSW, SSW. First, here is some background about them…

Kristin B. Hodson, MSW, LCSW
Founder, Psychotherapist, The Healing Group
Kristin prides herself on offering hope, compassion and professional expertise in a warm and safe environment. She holds a Master of Social Work, Clinical and Medical, from the University of Utah, and a Bachelor of Social Work, International Emphasis, from Brigham Young University, Hawaii. She also earned an Associate Degree in Psychology from Salt Lake Community College and is pursuing a Postpartum Doula Certification through DONA. For Kristin’s full bio, visit

Alisha Worthington, BSW, SSW
Educator, The Healing Group
As a mom of six children and an educator at The Healing Group, Salt Lake City, Alisha shares her knowledge and passion for motherhood in a nurturing and non-judgmental environment with women of many backgrounds and perspectives.
She earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work from Brigham Young University and is a board member of the Utah Friends of Midwives. For Alisha’s full bio, visit

Call for help

April 25, 2012 at 3:23 am

Alright, friends… I’m going to get personal here.

I’m struggling. For the past six months, off and on, I’ve been battling with some physical and emotional trials, riding a crazy-making roller coaster. During some periods, I’ve been in what I would label as depression. I have good days, and I have bad days. On the good days I feel full of hope that things will get better. On the bad days I feel full of despair that I’ll ever feel totally myself again. Over the past week I have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other multiple times. Yesterday I was in despair. Today I was mostly OK.

I debated whether or not to disclose all of this to you. In this moment I decided that you’d want to know, you’d want to help, you’d want to lift me up in whatever way you could.

Prenatal photo tour

March 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago.  We were at a baby shower, and somehow we got on the subject of belly buttons.  I mentioned that my son had a kind of funky belly button (’cause he sort of did at the time), and this friend said something like, “Could that be because of the home birth?”  I was very perplexed and said, “What do you mean?”  She asked, “What do they do with the umbilical cord?”  Then I explained that they use the same umbilical cord clamps hospitals use, and cut the cord with sterile scissors, just like they do in the hospital.

As much as I was stunned by this conversation, I have to cut my friend some slack.  Home birth really is so foreign to most people.  So there are a lot of misconceptions out there about what it’s like and about midwives also.  Toward the end of my last pregnancy, I decided I’d bring my camera along and document the visit, partly for memory’s sake and partly so I could do a little bit of demystifying about midwives and home birth.

I realize that prenatal appointments are going to vary considerably depending upon who your midwife is. Some midwives come to your home for check-ups. Some have their offices in their own homes. Some have their own offices, like my midwives. I don’t presume to believe that this is the way all midwives practice. But I still thought it might be helpful to show what a typical visit is like with a home birth midwife like mine (Mary at Beyond Conception Midwifery).

So, here’s a photo tour of a February 2011 prenatal appointment with my midwives…

Doula ripples

February 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm

“Continuous support during labour has clinically meaningful benefits for women and infants and no known harm. All women should have support throughout labour and birth” -(Hodnett and colleagues 2011)

Jennifer just asked this question on my Birth Faith facebook page wall: “My friend’s OB told her that hiring a doula was ‘dangerous.’ What would you tell her?”

Good grief.

I’ve shared in a previous blogpost (Why hire a doula?) what a doula’s presence can do for a woman’s birth experience using my own experience and stats from scientific research. Let me reiterate that research quickly.

Gathering and analyzing the results of 15 studies, a team of researchers found that, compared to women laboring without a doula, women who labored with a doula were:

• 26% less likely to have a cesarean section
• 41% less likely to have a vacuum extractor or forceps delivery
• 28% less likely to use pain medication or epidurals
• 33% less likely to rate their birth experience negatively
(Hodnett E, Gates S, Hofmeyr G, Sakala C. Continuous support for women during childbirth. The Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2003. Issue 3. See DONA).

But did you know that the benefits of having a doula’s assistance don’t end at birth? There are significant ripples that can impact a woman, her baby, and her relationship with her baby’s father. 

God takes the pain away?

January 3, 2012 at 11:27 pm

My teenage brother is a free-spirited artist with a particular affinity for buddhist thought. He likes to create collages with magazine clippings, so I decided to give him a book full of empty cardstock pages to unleash his creativity upon. I gave the gift a personalized touch by decorating the front cover with a collage of my own. I love how it turned out!

While flipping through my old magazines looking for materials for my collage, I found a little snip-it of an article with this headline: “God takes the pain away.” It shared a bit of research (by Amy Wachholtz, PhD) about how spiritual meditation can impact our perception of pain. Study participants were instructed to either 1) Do relaxation exercises, 2) Mediate on phrases such as “I am happy,” or 3) Meditate on phrases such as “God is love” for several weeks. Afterward, participants’ abilities to withstand pain were tested. Those who had practiced spiritual meditation demonstrated the highest pain thresholds (Click here to learn more).

Amy Wachholtz has also studied how spiritual meditation can impact migraine sufferers. She found that “over the course of the intervention in comparison to the other three groups, those who practiced spiritual meditation had greater decreases in the frequency of migraine headaches, anxiety, and depression, as well as greater increases in pain tolerance, headache-related self-efficacy, daily spiritual experiences, and existential well being” (Source).

Antepartum depression

October 9, 2011 at 6:36 am

Sometimes I feel like God gives me blogpost assignments. This is one of those. I actually had a few other blogpost ideas lined-up, including the follow-up to my “Mate selection” post about smell and bonding. Then, as I sat nursing my baby a few mornings ago, I got the distinct impression that I needed to write more about my experience with depression during my last pregnancy.  Perhaps this is God’s way of answering one of your prayers.  Who knows? But I’ve learned, over the years, to listen to those whispers that come into my mind, prompting me toward some action. I usually only find out why the prompting was important when I choose not to listen and then suffer the consequences. Listen to those voices, friends! I am choosing to take action on this prompting because maybe, just maybe, one of you desperately needs to know you’re not alone.  And I can’t bear the thought of not speaking up and letting you know that I care.

I mentioned in my recent long drawn-out birth account that I experienced a period of darkness and depression in the middle of my pregnancy. I described it this way:

 I’ve always claimed to be happier and more emotionally stable while pregnant than while not pregnant, and in my previous three pregnancies that had been true.  But not this time.  In September, I got on an emotional roller coaster like nothing I had ever seen.  And I wondered multiple times a day whether taking that flying leap off the cliff of surrender had been the stupidest thing we’d ever done.  If it had been right to welcome this baby on God’s timetable, then why on earth was I so ridiculously miserable?  I was bombarded with seemingly incessant waves of darkness and misery.  Some afternoons, when my husband arrived home from work, I fled immediately to my bedroom or closet, locked the door, and let myself weep and writhe and wail without restraint.  To make matters worse, I felt guilty and horrible that the beautiful, special baby growing inside of me could probably feel my dark thoughts and feelings, and I felt even more guilty and horrible that many moments my thoughts were resentful and rejecting toward that special child.

Proactive support for new mothers

July 24, 2011 at 10:49 pm

I’ve been busy editing our book over the past several weeks, and in the process have been reading stories from dozens of women. Some of them endured intense physical and emotional trials in their journey to motherhood. Several suffered from (and overcame) postpartum depression. It has reminded me of my own difficulties in adjusting to motherhood with my first baby. At the time, I checked out a book from our local library called Mothering the New Mother. It brought me strength and hope when I felt overwhelmed. As a result, I declared it my new personal mission to ensure that all the new mothers around me knew they weren’t alone in their struggles. It has been almost eight years since then, and I have certainly not followed-through with those good intentions nearly as well as I should have. But today I am feeling a renewed drive to reach out to postpartum women and strengthen them. This post is partly for my own reference (to give me a kick in the pants to get moving), but I hope it inspires you as well.

When a child is born, so is a mother.  She will never be the same again. Conversations with new mothers can, at times, focus at length on how beautiful and precious her newborn is and not enough on the new mother’s needs.  Having a baby can be a very difficult transition, even for mothers of two or three or more. The physical, emotional, and spiritual burdens new mothers face can, at times, feel too overwhelming to bear. But friends and family can be proactive in lifting these burdens. Here are some ideas for those wanting to help:

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