Becoming Whole Again

April 12, 2013 at 6:45 pm

As some of you are aware, I started taking medication for my anxiety/depression last August. I’m excited to report that I have now successfully cut my drug dose down to 1/4 of my prescribed amount. So I’m down to 12.5 milligrams a day instead of the 50 milligrams I was taking. This process was very, very gradual over the past month or so. There are a variety of reasons why I’m doing this:

  1. I feel ready, and I feel divine encouragement about it.
  2. God has promised me I will be able to be happy without medication.
  3. My body chemistry is getting out of whack, and I think the drugs are contributing to that.
  4. I believe I’m being prepared to open myself to more children, and I would like to clear the drugs out of my system first.
  5. I’m gaining more weight than I’m comfortable with. I believe this is related to the medication since my siblings have experiences similar side-effects while taking SSRIs.

When I tell friends and family about my weaning down, their first question is usually, “Is your doctor OK with that?” I’m sure they’re just wanting to be sure I’m not jumping into this too soon. Nobody wants to see me sick again, of course. So although a part of me wishes they would just say, “That’s great,” without any hint of doubt, I completely understand their concern.

My doctor told me back in October that I could start weaning down whenever I wanted to. He felt all along that my situation was temporary and the pharmaceutical assistance would not be a life-long need. However, I told him I wanted to wait until the spring before I tried to cut back. I wanted to get our house sold, get us moved and settled, and do some more healing before trying to “walk on my own” again.

Known and Loved

April 9, 2013 at 5:53 am

My father has been a mental health professional for the vast majority of my life. For a considerable amount of time, he worked as a counselor to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Many of my immediate family members are, in fact, survivors. During my growing years, my dad spoke often of the great spiritual gifts and experiences of his clients. I have come to believe that survivors of sexual abuse are among the most noble spirits on this earth.

My dad once told me of a client who had several guardian angels who came to her often during the years she was sexually abused. On several occasions, while she was being assaulted, her guardian angels had to be restrained from intervening. One, in particular, wept in agony as he tried to break free from his angel companions to stop the abuse.

Almost a year ago, I was reminded of this story during a spiritual morning jog. I had been feeling myself slip into depression and despair for awhile and feeling sorry for myself. I wrote a bit about this experience here. After the memory of my dad’s story had been brought to my remembrance, my mind was flooded with flashes of images, realizations, and epiphanies.¬†On April 19, 2012, I wrote about some impressions and revelations I received during that powerful morning alone-time:

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