Ask Busca: Dads and Doulas?

July 19, 2010 at 7:21 pm

Fig asked:

My husband only wants the two of us to be present for our first baby’s birth. (No friends or relatives or anything, just him, me, and the people who are delivering the baby.) So … do you think I can convince him a doula would be one of the baby-delivery personnel? I have no idea what the dynamic is like in a delivery room. No idea what to expect. But here’s what I know about my husband: he is extremely private. He doesn’t like big fusses, or loud craziness, and he’s very uncomfortable with profound emotions/pain. He also doesn’t like to be bossed. I guess I just can’t figure out how the husband and doula work together without the husband feeling a little bit weird. Am I worrying about nothing?

Why hire a doula?

July 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm

[Re-post from the old blog.  Originally published in April of 2007.]

When I gave birth for the first time, I didn’t know what a doula was, but I recently realized that the care and support of a “doula” is what actually carried me through that birth.

Her name was Eve. She was the labor and delivery nurse assigned to me when I entered the hospital for my oldest daughter’s birth. She was gentle, unassuming, and kind. When I told her that I was hoping to “go natural,” she mentioned that she could offer positions to try and techniques to cope with the pain of labor. She said she had given birth without drugs before, and knowing she was supportive and experienced gave me courage.

As labor progressed, Eve showed my husband how to provide counter-pressure to ease the discomfort of contractions. She pulled out the rarely-used, water-proof telemetry monitor so my husband could spray my back with hot water in the shower. When I got out of the shower, she brought in a birth ball and helped me to sit and rock on it. Later, she coached me to keep my vocalizing low, deep, and relaxed instead of high-pitched and tense. When I doubted myself and contemplated drugs as I struggled through the hardest contractions, she said, “Why don’t I check you first—you might be almost fully dilated.” Sure enough, I was only a couple of centimeters from the end. She told me that, in her experience, it felt good once you could push (and she was right). She rubbed my feet and sat by my side through those last intense contractions, encouraging me with her reassuring words. Although her shift ended before the pushing started, she chose to stay with me until after the birth. Ultimately, I did it! Giving birth for the first time without complications or drugs was one of the most empowering experiences of my life.

Avoiding tearing and episiotomies

July 19, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Giving birth for the first time was one of the most empowering experiences of my life. My water broke, my contractions started, everything progressed smoothly, and, less than six hours later, my baby girl was born. It was an ideal birth experience, except for one thing. That one thing made my next few weeks of recovery extremely painful. I tore. I really tore.

Despite the painful recovery, this was actually the lesser of two evils for me. Though some caregivers continue to cut episiotomies in as many as 80% of their patients, medical research does not support routine episiotomies. Studies from as far back as the 80s made it clear that routine episiotomies have no benefits and carry real risks. One of the most detrimental risks is that episiotomies can lead to further tearing, sometimes extending into the anus. These fourth degree anal tears almost never occur without an episiotomy. In addition, a spontaneous tear may only reach into the surface layers of skin, while an episiotomy cuts into far more layers. Episiotomies are rarely warranted and should be reserved for those unusual emergency cases. Ultimately, even without all the evidence, I just didn’t want someone cutting me. I knew, going into my first birth experience, that if I had to choose between them, I would choose to tear. And, tear I did.

“Nobody thinks you’re a hero”

July 18, 2010 at 10:55 pm

A comment from this site has got me on the defensive. So I’m going to spill my thoughts here.

I did NOT choose to give birth without drugs because…

* I wanted people to call me their “hero.”
* I wanted to prove something.
* I wanted a reason to feel superior to other women.

Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterVisit Us On Pinterest