Music for Childbirth

February 16, 2018 at 12:28 pm

Music has always been one of my true loves, and I can’t imagine giving birth to my 6th baby without it. My love of music is something I am hoping to pass on to my children. So far so good, I think.

Wordless Wednesday: Preparing My Birth Space

February 7, 2018 at 11:16 am

Six Things for Sunday: 27 Weeks Edition

February 4, 2018 at 7:18 pm

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#1 SPD Update

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about my late-pregnancy nemesis, Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD). As pregnancy hormones relax the pelvis, sometimes they work a little too well on the pelvic joints and things spread out more than they should. Having an “abnormal gap” in the symphysis pubis joint becomes more common the more pregnancies a woman has. During my 5th pregnancy, I had horrible SPD pain, and a few weeks ago I started noticing some twinges as I move into the third trimester of my 6th pregnancy. In my blogpost, I shared some things I was planning to try to keep the SPD away or at least minimal. Below I’ll share a few notes about each now that some time has passed.

Hope’s Backstory

January 15, 2018 at 3:16 pm

For two years I’ve thought about writing this post. For two years I haven’t felt ready to do it. I suppose, like Mary, I have “kept all these things and pondered them in my heart.” Today I feel ready.

 

This morning, I awoke as I usually do, with a wiggly blonde toddler named Hope next to me, her still-drowsy voice piercing my sleep, “Mommy… Mommy…” She slid her body on top of mine, no small feat with my growing 24-week-pregnant belly. I gently moved her to my other side, her head nestled in the crook of my arm, pulled her close, and kissed her nose. While I looked at her face, her cheeks still round with lingering baby fat, she scratched at something on her chin. I kissed her cheek. She smiled. In my mind, I silently but feelingly prayed:

Thank you, God, for sending her to me. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank You, Anxiety

January 14, 2018 at 5:39 pm

Last night I woke up my husband, sleeping peacefully next to me, and said words I haven’t said in a long time:

“I need help. I’m feeling anxious.”

The anxiety was mild. But once you have known the horror of debilitating anxiety, even mild anxiety is terror-inducing and can quickly escalate, like a PTSD trigger, feeding itself.

Coming Home Again

December 27, 2017 at 1:19 pm

I’ve given birth in a large teaching hospital, a small community hospital, at home, and at a birth center. There were pros and cons to each setting. You can read more about those HERE. When I found out I was pregnant with my sixth baby in September, I started pondering my options for the birth right away.

Last time, in order to keep my anxiety levels in check, I felt it was best to know I would be very close to a hospital. Blossom Birth Center, the location we chose, is across the street from Phoenix Children’s Hospital and five minutes down the street from St. Joseph’s Hospital. Another reason I chose Blossom is because I was already acquainted with Mary Langlois, co-owner of the birth center. I met her during my third pregnancy and attended a doula training she taught in 2009. I had a strong feeling that Mary was the midwife I needed to attend my 5th birth, and she proved to be just exactly the right person. I will be forever grateful for the nurturing and care she gave to me.

When I started thinking about the birth of my sixth baby, I realized that many of the fears and concerns I had during my fifth pregnancy were gone. My anxiety levels have been very low for the past couple of years, and I just didn’t have the same need to be across the street from a hospital. While I absolutely adore Mary Langlois and would have her attend all of my births if I could, we recently moved a lot further west from where we were.

Breeding, Bread, and Blessings

December 6, 2017 at 12:27 pm

For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck. -Luke 23:29

A couple of years ago, my friend Heather wrote a post titled with the old saying: “Every Baby Comes with a Loaf of Bread Under its Arm.” In the post, Heather shared the news that she was pregnant with her fifth baby, and then she elaborated on the title of her post, saying:

I think that what this saying means, at least to me, is that every baby who comes to the earth brings blessings, spiritual and temporal, for the mother, the father, the family, the community, and the world.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this concept lately. These days more and more articles, blogposts, and news stories give us a multitude of reasons why we shouldn’t have children:

I could go on, but this is getting depressing, especially given that I’m now pregnant with my 6th baby.

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Our Progenity Test Results

October 30, 2017 at 6:28 pm

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When we found out my 5th baby was a girl, I couldn’t contain the tears. Grief bubbled up from the depths of my heart and oozed in salty trickles down my face. As soon as I was able, I retreated to my bedroom and sobbed. Wailed. The force of my grief stunned me.  But it was raw, and it was real.

At the time, my six-year-old son asked, “Why are you crying, Mom?” The jumble inside of me felt so complex that I had no words that could adequately do it justice, but my attempt to give him the decency of a response came out: “Because I wanted to meet Elijah.”

Will My Baby Have Down Syndrome?

October 23, 2017 at 5:28 pm

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I was lying in bed one morning with my eyes closed. It was a couple of months ago, but I can’t remember if I knew I was pregnant yet. Somewhere in that place between sleep and waking, I saw the face of a child with Down syndrome. When I fully awoke a few moments later, I felt a torrent of thoughts and questions about that image enter my mind. Was it a spiritual message? Would I be giving birth to a child with Down syndrome? Or was it just a random flash of a meaningless dream?

The Things We Will Never Do

September 26, 2017 at 9:55 pm

In my nearly 37 years on this lovely planet, I have said a lot of things with certainty. Things like…

  • I won’t get married before I finish college.
  • I’ll never vote republican.
  • I wouldn’t buy an American-made vehicle.
  • I’d never move to Arizona.
  • I’m not one of those people who would take an anti-depressant.
  • I wouldn’t give birth at home.
  • I definitely won’t homeschool my kids.
  • I’ll never own an SUV.

This is just a sampling of the things I would never do. But I will soon have done all of them.

I say soon because we’ve technically never owned an SUV, but we’re in the market for a bigger people-mover. We take road trips every year, and we’re tired of packing every inch of our minivan with stuff, leaving virtually zero leg room for the seven of us. For the past week or so I’ve been exploring our options, and at the moment the ones that seem most do-able, affordable, and practical are giant SUVs. Sigh. I totally used to judge people who drove giant SUVs. The Chevy Suburban is my current top pick.

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The Empty Swing

September 8, 2017 at 10:34 am

Sometimes you just need another witness. Another voice saying, “Yes, this is true. You’re not crazy.”

Today I’m deeply grateful to my friend Amber for giving me another witness.

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For six years I have known about a little boy who has communicated in a multitude of ways that he is a part of our family, though not yet in the flesh. Just to give you a little more background, let me share a few of the experiences I have had with him.

When Someone is Missing

August 25, 2017 at 11:08 pm

My husband really dislikes the dreaded words that I sometimes say:

“I keep looking around for the other kid.”

He usually promptly responds with something like, “They’re all here.”

Sometimes it feels like there really is an invisible child among us, but when I turn to include the other kid in my head count, no one is there… at least no one I can see with my physical eyes. Occasionally, I even get a bit panicked in that split second between looking for the missing kid and realizing… no, I really only have five. After I gave birth to my 5th baby, the feeling mostly went away. The “invisible other kid” wasn’t around so much. But for the past couple of weeks, the feeling has been almost constant. It’s actually becoming kind of oppressive.

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Never Settle

August 18, 2017 at 11:06 pm

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A few months ago, we made an offer on a house we really liked in a neighborhood we really liked. It was right around the corner from some of our friends, and it had a swimming pool and a swing set and beautiful saltillo tile in the kitchen, dining room, and hallways. However, after the home inspection, we decided to pull out of the deal. There were just too many expensive repairs that would be needed, and the sellers weren’t willing to help with any of them. Part of me was relieved, but another part of me was devastated. For the following month, I continued looking for a home, but everywhere there only seemed to be dead ends and homes that just didn’t have the things I really wanted.

Splitting the Sky

June 4, 2017 at 10:18 pm

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Two summers ago, my wonderful friend Amber asked if she could interview me for a project she was working on. At the time I was on vacation, visiting my family for the summer, and I was newly pregnant with my 5th baby. Amber and Camlyn came to my dad’s house and set up their cameras and sound equipment. They asked me excellent questions, and I did a lot of crying in front of the camera. Ha.

The Mother-Baby Dyad: Sacred Synergy

July 4, 2016 at 5:03 pm

A few days ago I gathered with some lovely women for a Gift of Giving Life party. While there I shared with them some of the fascinating and beautiful insights I have been learning about the sacred interchange within the mother-baby dyad. The “thesis” of my message was this: mothers and babies are the key to creating a peaceful world. Without nurturing mothers and peace-filled babies, we will never see humanity overcome the evils that tear us apart. The love of a mother is so crucial, so irreplaceable, so powerful. Below I will share some of the slides from my presentation.

The Mother-Baby Dyad- Sacred Synergy

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