Call for help (again)

April 29, 2012 at 4:13 am

If you follow my¬†Birth Faith facebook page, then you may already be aware that on Tuesday night I plummeted into a horrifying, debilitating state of anxiety. It has waxed and waned over the course of the week, but I can’t seem to shake it. And my fear of it never going away (or coming back again) is only fueling the anxiety further.

I have been doing everything I can, within my ability, to beat this. Extra sleep, exercise, sunshine, quality nutrients, chocolate, spending time in my garden, talking it out, listening to uplifting music, crying, massages, etc. etc. But I still can’t seem to pull out of the nose dive I’m in.

My husband will be here with me all weekend, and he has Monday off from work, thank goodness. I don’t know how I’m going to get through another day (let alone another week) like this.

In my most fearful moments I find myself thinking that I need to be committed somewhere, that I will be in a drugged-up daze and incapable of caring for my family for the rest of my life. In my more hopeful moments, I feel that things will get better and I will be back to normal soon.

I am asking that you exercise all of the faith you can muster that my hopes of recovery will be brought to pass, that my fears will subside, that I will be able to breathe. I have been having trouble breathing all week.

I know I asked for advice and tips in my last post, but this time I’m asking for pure encouragement. Pretend I’m in labor, and I’m in transition, and you are my doulas. I need pure fuel, pure love, pure encouragement, pure hope. No advice this time. Just faith and hope and a vision of a happier and better future just around the corner.

Please, please help me. I can’t get through this alone. I need all the help I can get.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this week, it is that LOVE is the most powerful force in the universe. Loving words and loving touch are the only things keeping me hanging on.

Thank you, thank you for your love.

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