Stuck

July 9, 2014 at 3:42 pm

A few winters ago, I grew kale in my garden. In AZ, certain crops can be grown during the winter, and kale is one of them. Anyway, as the kale grew, it soon attracted aphids. By the time spring came around, there wasn’t a kale leaf without hundreds of aphids on its underside. If there’s one thing aphids know how to do well, it’s reproduce.

Last Sunday, I learned something new about aphids. A man I know had been in a class with a bug-expert. And this bug expert explained that aphids give birth to live young, but sometimes the babies get stuck on their way out, and when this happens, a group of other aphids will gather around and help the mother get the baby aphid out. I’m not terribly fond of aphids, but this little bit of information made me smile (which is rare these days).

2014-07-09 08.33.16 am

As I was pushing my son into this world (my third baby, first home birth), I had music playing in the background. The song playing was “Calling All Angels” by Jane Siberry. My doula thought it was the perfect song for that moment.

Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all Angels, calling all Angels
We’re trying, we’re hoping, but we’re not sure how

This morning, I was thinking about those doula-aphids again. I’ve written before about how the difficult times in our lives are sort of like birth canals, painfully easing us into our next phase of growth and development. I’m right there… right now. And sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in this birth canal. Sometimes it feels like I will never get out. Sometimes I weep for hours at a time to those who will listen, and I try to believe them when they tell me, “You will get through this.”

So, I guess I’m not so unlike one of those baby aphids, stuck in her birth canal. And the only way I’m going to get through this is with helpers, gathering around, encouraging me and promising me that the journey through will be worth it.

Calling all angels.

Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone.