Confounded
Last weekend, my six-year-old daughter said something surprising.
But first I have to give the background story. We recently had a discussion with my two oldest daughters about how babies are created. They already knew a lot of the details from many previous smaller conversations, each one building a bit on the other, but this particular discussion was an answer to the question, “Mom, how do the sperm get inside of the mommy so they can get to the egg?”
So the other day my six-year-old was lying with her ear where my womb is, just relaxing. Then out of nowhere she said, “Mom, I think I know what’s happening right now.” And I said, “What’s that?” And she said, “I think the sperm are swimming to the egg inside of you.”
… Blink. Blink. Stare at my husband with raised eyebrows and wide eyes.
As I’ve said before, I pay attention when my kids make bold statements like that, especially this particular child. When those words came out of her mouth, I felt a strange mixture of denial and fear. Denial because I thought to myself (and explained to her) that it was extremely unlikely there was an egg waiting for sperm inside of me since I had just finished my period. And fear because, well, I believe that “little children do have words given unto them many times [from angels], which confound the wise and the learned” (Source). I was confounded indeed. It couldn’t be possible, I thought… but… what if she was right?
I’ve gone back and forth since my fourth baby’s birth about whether I felt I could accept any more children. I thought I was done, and then I came to peace with either path, and then I received spiritual revelation that I had a baby waiting to come to us (probably a boy). My daughter had also told me I was definitely going to grow another placenta ;-) and that I was going to have another girl and another boy.
Even so, my husband and I had decided that it would be best for my physical and mental health (and our bank account!) if we waited a few years before opening ourselves to another child (although my husband’s preference would be to stop at four and call it good).
I have known all along, however, that the story of my life seldom follows my carefully-laid plans. The Powers-That-Be know that all They have to do is start sending me dreams and messages, and I start listening and adjusting my course.
So a week ago my dear friend Heather felt inspired to email me a link to a song she had heard on the radio. If you click over and listen, you may remember that “surrender” is a loaded word for me in this childbearing journey I’m on. I listened to it and loved it, and it brought tears to my eyes, but I didn’t realize at the time why I needed it.
A few days later, I started having dreams. The first was full of symbols and confused me at first. I wondered if there might be a message contained in it, but I also dismissed it as just a weird dream. Then I had another one. This one was blunt and to the point: I was unexpectedly pregnant. I woke up from that second dream and my daughter’s words from several days earlier came crashing into my head. Then more and more words and messages came flooding into my mind. And suddenly I understood what the previous dream had meant. Maybe sometime I will tell you about that dream and all that it implied ’cause it was pretty powerful stuff.
Tonight I think we will tell our kids about my dreams. And I guess I better get back into my exercise and green smoothie rhythm. I don’t know if I’m already pregnant, but either way I get a feeling we won’t be taking a few-year’s break like we had planned.
Update on January 27: I’m not pregnant (but my heart has been opened).
Related posts:
Wow, confounded indeed. :)
I love that you are open to whatever path God has for you. I heard a quote in yoga last week that I loved so much I had to write it down. I don’t know who said it.
“I move through life knowing I am safe. Divinely guided and protected.”
I LOVE that quote! I think I’m going to adapt it and use it as a birth affirmation for my upcoming birth (hopefully in the next few days). Thank you for sharing!
I would think you were having the dreams because of your children talking about it.
I can see why you might think that, TJ. Logic could certainly explain away the second dream, but definitely not the first one. I also haven’t shared the two-way spiritual communication that has occurred during and since that morning when all the puzzle pieces in my head/heart fell into place. But we’ll see how it all plays out. I ask myself about every five minutes whether it wasn’t just all in my head. My life experience has taught me that my spiritual promptings and dream messages are usually pretty spot-on though.
Your stories about dreams, and messages, and your children speaking of spirits to come into your family always give me chills :) I can completely relate too, I’ve had dreams about my children before getting pregnant, and my little ones sometimes say things that stop me in tracks and make me wonder if they are communicating a message to me from above. I was pretty sure I was done after #4 (she’s 19 months now), then months later I had a dream about having twin babies, one was certainly a boy, born in the bathtub in our home (I usually use inflatable pool). I can still see that moment in my mind, a year later, the light and how the tub was positioned.
During the first trimester of my fourth pregnancy I kept thinking I was pg with twins, and after the u/s showed a singleton, kept thinking it was going to be a boy (we didn’t check during the u/s). She turned out to be a girl :) But maybe what I was sensing during that pregnancy was a sign of what’s to come? Up until #4 I always had dreams about baby’s sex in the first trimester and it was always true. Anyway, just rambling a bit, but this subject is definitely fascinating to me :) Whatever comes you way, hope you’ll be at peace with it. And I can’t wait to hear some day what that first dream was about :)
I too want to hear about the first dream :)
First off thank you for sharing your life experiences!
On my 3rd pregnancy, when we told our kids (18mos &3 1/2)we were going to have a baby, my 3 year old said, 2 babies! And I kindly said no, honey,usually only animals like our goats have more than one baby at a time.
Well when we went and got the ultrasound and the tec said, did you know it is twins?? A little later that comment of my 3 year old rang in my head. And then when we told the kids it was actually 2, my husband said well you are an animal(i think he was mostly having fun teasing me)..LOL
That has always stuk in my head about young kids having a understanding that we are unaware of. At the time i tought it was a question from my child , but now i wonder if it was a statement. oh and i believe dreams are very powerful… and for some that is the way inspiration comes. On all my kids i have “just known” what the gender was. on my last, i new he was going to be a boy even before we conceived him. This is an awesome journey we get to take. And i can’t wait to hear what happen in yours. Best of luck to you:)
Oh my. Fun stuff. I’ll pray for the hubbie and I’ll call you soon. xo
was it you who posted that study or did I read it somewhere else. There was a study about women who had dreams and intuition about the sex of their babies and the people doing it expected them to be about 50% accurate and it was more like 95%.
Yes, that was me. It was a quote from the book Origins by Annie Murphy Paul. http://birthfaith.org/mothering/intuitive-dreams
both my guy and me had a dream, the same night, that i was pregnant (in mine,i was watching a pregnancy test turn positive, and in his, he was telling his brother about the baby) and ten days later i took a test and i was indeed pregnant, about a little over 3 1/2 weeks pregnant. the funny thing is that neither of us had had any kind of dreams like these before. our little girl is 9 months old now. ;) so yeah, i believe in dreams.
I ALWAYS dream about my babies before and durring my pregnancys. Before my last baby was born my (then) three year old son told me that there was a baby girl coming down the mountain (we live right up against the mountains) and that she was going to be our little sister. I was about 4 weeks pregnant with a daughter at the time. He talked and talked about his baby sister the entire pregnancy. I have also had times in the temple when I have seen the children that are to come into our family. I think mothers have a special link with their babies, even before they come to us.