Now what?

November 10, 2014 at 11:11 pm

I’ve been pregnant or nursing and caring for my children full-time for more than a decade. I’ve been blogging about pregnancy, birth, and mothering for over seven of those years. As a new mom, I had been neglecting to meet my own needs for intellectual growth and fulfillment, but my blog gave me that outlet.¬†From 2009 until 2011 I wrote a book with four co-authors about spirituality and birth. Birth has been my passion (obsession?) for most of my adult life thus far.

But I don’t expect I will ever give birth or breastfeed again (so many mixed feelings about that one). My “baby” is nearly four years old. And I can feel my brain pulling away from birth. I still yearn for all women to have empowering and beautiful birth experiences, but my mind no longer buzzes with birthy topics and blogpost ideas.

Now what?

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I have a blog called “Birth Faith.” And I have lots of blogposts with helpful information that I still want childbearing women to have access to. But I don’t want to force myself to write about birth if other topics are calling to me. The truth is, I feel like I’ve spent the last year gestating and giving birth to FAITH, a deeper faith than I’ve ever known or experienced before, so “Birth Faith” could still represent who I am as a blogger.

I’m also wrestling with questions about this new phase of my life. It won’t be long until all my children will be in school. I feel like I’m soon to be laid-off from my day job. What am I supposed to do now? Write more books? Get a job? Put my doula training to work? Volunteer in the community? Train in midwifery? Become a foster parent? Fight against modern day slavery/trafficking? I have no idea.

For now I’m going to try to savor my baby’s last year at home and hope that my path becomes clearer as I move forward. I spent so much of the summer thinking that my best days were behind me, that my life would never be joyful again. But I’ve been working hard lately to keep my thoughts and words positive. Maybe the rest of my life will be the best of my life? Wouldn’t that be cool?

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