I wish I could tell you that I feel better than ever. I wish I could be a lighthouse all the time, radiating joy and love and hope to everyone around me. But I’m not gonna lie… this past month was rough. And this past week was rougher.
It’s hard not to wonder if the reason it was rough is because I weaned off my medication. In moments of desperation, I find myself thinking I made a mistake… that I shouldn’t have stopped taking it.
But in moments of clarity, I think… Well, you still had hard times even when you were taking the medication. The past couple of months were stressful with the crazy job-hunt and all the illness. You weren’t getting enough sleep. You weren’t getting out much. You weren’t meditating. You weren’t eating enough. You got depleted. Just give yourself a break while you catch up.
So I’ve had anxiety (and some depression) off and on this week. It has fluctuated. Some days were horrendous (that day when I cried to a whole bunch of people on the phone). Some days were so-so, and some were good, hallelujah.
I’ve meditated and gotten some exercise/fresh air/sunshine every day this week. I’ve got extra vitamins, omega-3s, probiotics, magnesium, and sleep in my system. And I’ve been doing laundry and other household chores for much of the day (a distraction strategy). I’m working hard to stay on top, to not let myself get sucked into the vortex of despair.
And now I am going to make a list of things to be happy about ’cause I need to focus my energy in a positive direction and drown out the voice of Anxiety Girl…
- My husband and I get to go on a date tonight. Yay for our babysitting co-op!
- It’s almost the last day of school. My wonderful big girls will soon be home for the summer.
- After the first week of June, My husband will be on summer vacation until the end of July. (One perk of being a school psychologist.)
- I’ve had 8+ hours of sleep for most of the past several nights.
- I’m excited for my mom, stepmom, and sister to receive the awesome Mother’s Day gifts I sent them.
- The random horrific back/rib-cage pain I experienced for a couple of weeks last month went away on its own.
- Nobody in my house is sick right now. After dealing with weeks of pain and illness last month, I am so grateful everyone is well.
- We’ve had zero E.R. visits, zero urgent care visits, zero doctor visits for illness/injuries in the past year.
- I’ve lost some weight since I weaned off my medication.
- I have a couple of lovely ladies helping me do some important trauma/emotional-release work.
- My husband and I are hoping to have a little weekend getaway for our (13th) anniversary this year since we’ve never done anything really special for an anniversary.
- None of my siblings are out of work anymore. Yay for jobs.
- Life is hard, but I don’t have to do it alone. Thank you, Lord, for my people.
- I get to visit cooler temperatures, trees, mountains (and far-away family members) soon.
- My sister’s remodeling her house, and it’s gonna be awesome.
- I’m hoping to attend a guided imagery training in July and a meditation retreat in AZ in the fall.
- A package just arrived with some supplements I ordered (Vit B6, Taurine, and some others). Crossing my fingers at least one of them helps me boost my GABA levels higher so I can feel even more calm long-term.
- I have money to spend on supplements in my quest to feel my best.
- The past three days have been much better than the previous two.
- At the moment I don’t have a death wish. I love it when I don’t have a death wish.
- Last night we took a walk as a family, perfect weather, and while the kids ran around in a grassy field, I told my husband, “I feel so good I forgot to worry.” I love it when I forget to worry.