Done? Revisited

May 16, 2011 at 5:52 am

I keep going back and forth in my mind about this.

But here’s where I’m at with it.  I don’t know if we’re done having babies or not.  Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t.  For all I know I could change my mind in a few years anyway.  As I’ve pondered it, I’ve come to peace with either path.  I feel OK with being done.  And I feel OK with not being done.

It is interesting to note, however, that my five-year-old told me a week or two ago that I was going to have two more babies.  Another boy and another girl (not necessarily in that order).  She’s also the one who told me, “It’s OK, Mommy.  You’ll grow another one,” when I pushed out my placenta, remember?  Maybe it’s all just silly five-year-old ramblings.  Or maybe she’s just as spiritually in-tune and intuitive as I’ve often suspected her to be.  We shall see, I suppose.  I think God knows that all would need to do is see a child in my dreams to give me a nudge in that direction.

Thanks to some spiritual insights and experiences, I feel hopeful that I will be able to provide the love and nurturing my children need, no matter how many children I have.  But I’m going to save determining if and when and how many of them for another day.

In the meantime, I’m going to love my four little ones with as much of my time and heart as I can muster.  Why do they have to grow so fast?